


The perfect last dance

by Yu_Kagami



Series: Haikyuu Angst oneshots/twoshots (Lets torture Hinata) [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depressed Hinata Shouyou, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Maybe - Freeform, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, i think, idk - Freeform, then again i have no idea where this is going ahahaha
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:47:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28286481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yu_Kagami/pseuds/Yu_Kagami
Summary: Sorry, i dont know if i want to include romance i am really bad at it so. And also it will probably just be 3-5 chapters long so yeah just keep that in mind.I am too tired to write a proper summary but basically just Shouyou being  a suicide fanatic, mind the triggers in tags and uh i guess we explore his past too (? honestly have no idea where this is even goingthe title doesnt even make sense i- help me
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio
Series: Haikyuu Angst oneshots/twoshots (Lets torture Hinata) [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1859377
Comments: 9
Kudos: 25





	The perfect last dance

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warnings: panic attacks, suicide and suicide attempt, incest (sexual assault) flashback, only briefly described.

**I want to die.**

There it was again, the unrefusable death thoughts and also sadly his first instincts to literally anything.

Dropped lunch? _Maybe I should buy a rope on the way back home._

Failed a test? _Jumping off the school roof might not be too bad._

Got called out by the teacher? _Maybe I should take that knife in the home economics room and chop my head off._

Stuttered while talking? _I should stop by the train tracks after school._

No matter what had happened that day, Shouyou’s only solution would be suicide. Nothing else, he wouldn’t think about how to be better, no that is way too much work, just offing himself and dying in a ditch sounds way easier and more desirable, it is not like his life improves if he changes or whatever, he had experienced that first hand, that is why he just live hollowly, without any ambitions or determination, he is just _there_ , alive but dead. 

The phrase “dead inside” is always used as a joke but honestly Shouyou found it the most relatable of all quotes, maybe, scratch that, he definitely just sounds like some edgy 14 years old but it was a whatever, screw people’s opinion, screw their worry and fuck this worthless life, it is not like he expects anything.

That is how he lived everyday, walking to school is a pain, listening in class is a pain, sometimes even doing _volleyball_ is a pain. The little rationality inside his messed up brain is fading more and more, it is getting harder to breath, to be conscious, to have to do something. He just wanted to lay down, take a long break and be free out of judgement, academics, expectations. 

He was able to do volleyball and work hard because he knew it was his own worth, it is the only thing that even qualifies him as a human being, the only thing he can do properly without being a burden, but that feeling might be fading slowly too, the waves of emptiness had been crashing into him since forever and maybe now is when it finally washes everything off of him, including his pathetic pride.

He hadn’t went to practice this morning nor does he plan to in the evening, he had went to school because that is just a usual that everyone must do, even though he could easily just drop out and live on the streets or whatever, maybe he can throw himself in some gang fights and get some cool stories to share to his future grandkids and maybe pick up a bullet wound along the way.

That actually doesn’t sound too bad, wasn’t like anybody would care if he died, a deceased family and an empty apartment, that is probably all he has, now that his useless self had let volleyball go and float away. Why was he still alive? That is, a weird thought, that he is also human in others eyes, he is breathing but it doesn’t feel like that at all, the him yesterday seemed like a mere stranger to him now. What did he have for breakfast again? Did he even eat anything this morning? He couldn’t recall anything, he would have used up his brain and scratched his head in annoyance and he still wouldn’t have a clue to whatever the hell he was doing this morning, 

He gripped his pen tight, and furiously ripped off the paper, interrupting the class and attracting multiple glances to himself. He had momentarily forgot that he was even in class, then again, he had no idea what he was even doing with his entire life, everyday just flash by like a show, and he is just a side character in the background, not even the main character in his own life, without him realising a grin had made its way to his pale cheeks as it creepily spreaded across to his ear, a smile too large to be considered normal and the breathlessly laughs muttering out themselves in their own will, out of his control, just like his life, an aimless log in the river.

He pushed the desk away and stood up, the grin falling from his face as he saw the teachers mouth moving to form words, yet all he could hear is static, he ignored the glances or weirded out looks he had gotten and reached for the door knob, easily turned it and with a strengthless push, the door creaked open. The background noise that settled down behind him was still incomprehensible. Before he could recognise whatever the hell his body was doing, he turned around to the scolding teacher who was making a move to stop him, the grin that had built up onto his face earlier slipped back on itself again, without Shouyou’s permission.

The smile crossed his cheeks and built a bridge, his gaze fixed intensely onto the older man in front of him and he stayed like that for a minute, as the man stuttered and spilled out more words that Shouyou couldn’t be bothered to understand. Murmurs started up again and Shouyou took it as a cue to leave, he stepped out of the room and powerlessly gave the door a small push, and the wind did the rest of the job as it slammed the door loudly, Shouyou found it to be oddly satisfying, imagining the flinches of his classmates was entertaining almost as much as it was to land a harsh spike.

His feet started moving forward themselves and danced their way to the familiar route that leads to the forbidden rooftop, signs bad crossed the way their and multiple warnings were plastered on the door about it being “dangerous” but as usual, Shouyou brushed past it all, he didn’t give a single shit about dangers or whatever, he could fall down from the building or get stabbed or whatever for all he cared.

As he entered the roof, the harsh wind blew the door shut in a loud noise that resembled the one in the classroom, except that this time nobody would have been startled by it, probably, maybe someone else was up here skipping school for whatever reasons they had or he might meet a suicidal jumper, that will be fun, something different from usual, he would watch them jump and fantasize his own death, which is always amusing, more than his history classes at least.

Shouyou walked to the edge sloppily, silently wishing the wind might somehow blow off his balance and he will drop off the roof or something, because he didn’t have the courage to do it himself, cowardly put so. He stared at the view before him, the playground that was occupied with students attending their sports classes and their annoyingly loud shrieks, from what Shouyou understood they were playing dodgeball or some crap, boring.

The ground that should have looked way more further away had seemed so close right now, so close that the fear of height would be gone because of how stupidly low it is, almost close enough to turn Shouyou away in disappointment. _Almost_ , but not quite enough.

Should he write a suicide note? Probably, but who will he even address it to, the volleyball team? His teacher? Friends? All of these choices seemed so amazingly bad that Shouyou had to suppress his own choked chuckle. The team could care less about a dead body who couldn’t spike, his teachers probably hated him for all his bullshit and his friends? What friends? 

Writing a note is too much work, so he decided not to do it, should he take his shoes off in the traditional way? That is pretty tempting but he wanted to jump off right now at this moment. The wind blows opposing him, driving his orange hair into a even bigger lump of mess than it was and just as Shouyou decided shoes were too much work too, maybe as much as writing a stupid note, the door behind him opened. 

He turned around, half expecting his teacher to be standing there fumingly. But no, in front of him was a stranger, someone he didn’t know but had probably seen around in the school, they wore a uniform identical to his and were probably coming up for similar reasons as his. 

“A-ah! What are you doing?!”

The stranger had exclaimed, to Shouyou’s dismay. He didn’t reply, he didn’t have the strength to live, let alone speak. Shouyou stared down at the obnoxious laughing students below him and suddenly the ground was drifting away, the closeness of it was gone and the mood was interrupted, he felt like he was suddenly here again, against his will.

“The scenery, it is nice.”

The stranger looked at him weirdly but didn’t comment further, the other boy walked up next to Shouyou and stared down at the view almost as aimlessly as Shouyou.

“Is it?”

Shouyou looked at the stranger and sat down on the ledge, then shook his head steadily, the scene was anything but nice, it was irritating, obnoxious, stupid. 

The stranger had an unreadable look on their face for a second before it morphed into one of confusion, silently the other student took their seat onto the ledge carefully but not too much for a normal person. 

“I find it obnoxious.”

The stranger had told him suddenly and Shouyou hummed in a neutral tone, one that isn't agreeing nor denying, even though he had fully agreed with the other person. They stayed like that for a while quietly, neither of the boys making a move to communicate and neither of them minding the silence in particular. 

“A-are you going to jump?”

The stranger said after a while, his fingers twiddling with each other nervously as he carefully asked Shouyou the question. Shouyou looked down for a while then to the stranger’s gaze and down again. Is he going to jump? He considered.

The clock ticks as Shouyou repeatedly exchanged glances between the boy and the dull playground, the students below them were slowly lining up and disappearing in sight, the lesson has passed quickly. 

“No.”

Shouyou sighed out loud, today was tiring and frankly it would have been nice to just jump and end it all but no, perhaps fate was just saying it wasn’t today that he was supposed to die, he stood up and walked away from the tempting edge.

“Not today.”

The stranger's eyes trailed along Shouyou’s retreating form but made no movements to sit up when Shouyou had left.

“What about you?”

The stranger stared at Shouyou for a moment, and then turned his back at him again, Shouyou observed the slightly arched back of the other student and pondered about which grade the stranger had been in, maybe they were coincidentally both first years. 

“I am going to jump.”

If Shouyou was supposed to feel any shock, he didn’t, instead he hummed in the similar tone of the one he did earlier, neither agreeing nor denying, just a neutral noise. The stranger looked a bit taken aback at the fact that he wasn’t going to stop him or whatever. Stopping someone from suicide was not his forte, it was annoying and too much work, he could care less about someone else’s life, if they wanted to die, they can die for all he cared.

They lived their lives and Shouyou had his own, he doesn’t understand why a death of someone insignificant to his own life is important. 

Shouyou leaned against the door as the figure in front of him rose to take off their shoes, he did nothing as he saw the figure carefully placed a note into their shoes, he watched as the boy smiled and mumbled something he couldn’t quite make out.

A second passed and the boy was still on the ledge, another second passed and a shaky breath echoed on the roof in what seemed like sudden silence in the world. One more silent second had passed and the figure was gone.

He had jumped down. Shouyou stared at the now empty roof and huffed out a breath, uncertain about how he should feel right now, he kind of wanted to leer out to the splattered body on the ground out of pure curiosity but he didn’t want to seem weird or suspicious by being on the roof so instead, he carefully slid open the door and made his way to the nearest bathroom. 

He sat on the toilet seat as ambulance sirens rang out and screams echoed in the entire school, he stayed still as the teacher told the students to stay back and go back in their own classrooms, he didn’t move as he heard speedy footsteps dashing around the hallways that were so near to him. 

He kept to himself as the entire situation unravelled around him.

\------------------------------------

“Oi.”

Shouyou kept walking.

“Oi!”

Whoever that is, fuck them.

“Hey idiot can you not hear me?!”

_A strong grip was on his shoulder, the sickening lust filled face was on top of him, the older boy licked his lips seductively and pinned him down onto their shared bunk bed, he was motionlessly laying there as his clothing was removed against his will, he was young and naive, brother said they were going to play a fun game. This wasn’t what he wanted._

_He couldn’t move, hecouldn’tmovehecouldn’tmovehecantmovehecantmoveHECAN’TMOVE._

**Smack!**

“Don’t touch me!”

Shouyou glared at whoever the approaching figure is, and whoever had harshly gripped his shoulder was now looking at him with a stunned fucking face, why were they so shock? It was their goddamn fault for touching him, he hated touch he hated it! Every contact burnt him like poison and left him vulnerable and it was _unbearable._

“What is wrong with you?!”

Whoever the figure was just approached him again with his stupid poison dripped hand reaching for his figure again.

_He was muffled down as he was stripped naked, he could do nothing as his brother moved to kiss his neck roughly, hands trailing down as they touched every single part of his body, every contact was as if a knife was grazing over his skin. Vulnerable, weak, shameful._

“Stop!”

Shouyou screamed in terror as he pushed the other figure onto the ground, flinching back instinctively as he braced himself while shaking, he dropped onto the ground when his legs finally gave him up and all he could see was the look during that time.

_Stop looking at me like that stop it stop it stop!_

He flailed around like a chicken about to be chopped, he swung his arms furiously, hitting at nothing in particular before he curled up into himself as he started breathing in a high pace, the choking breath that shortens every time he take another, the rhythm in his world sped up and everything was suddenly too much, overwhelming, it was happening too fast, he didn’t know where he was or what he is doing. All he could see is his past flaring around him, replaying the same scene over and over again for a thousand times or even more, his own brain was mocking him with the endless replays of his memories and maybe even the world was just straight up sneering at him for being alive

He didn’t ask for a life like this.

He wanted to die, he wanted to disappear, he wanted to perish.

_Die die die die die die die die die!_

The chanting in his brain screeched louder and louder, he scratched his hair in frustration, pulling out his follicles angrily, but the pain wasn’t enough to ground him, so he dug his nails into his arms, he dug his nails into his thighs, he scratched his old scar over and over, pleading in his mind to see red inside of that face. 

Dead skin covered his hands but it wasn’t enough, he still couldn’t breath, he couldn’t see anything and the aftermath of the touch was still there, why did it hurt so much, why why why why? Stop it stop touching, just stop please. Stop everything. Shouyou screamed into his arms and bit his flesh furiously, ripping the skin off to reveal the ugly gooey white fat of his.

The taste of iron flushed his mouth, it was disgusting but then he could see red, he could see his broken skin, the dripping blood, his messed up bangs that covered up a bit of his vision as usual and then he could see the floor, he could see the world again, and suddenly everything was gone.

The pain kicked in.

He screamed.

“Hinata!”

Shouyou snapped his head up and met blue eyes, and grey? Oh there is brown and green too! A colourful combination of colours.

But the hand was there reaching for him again.

“D-don’t fucking touch-”

He choked on his own words, not realising how hoarse his voice was after all the anguished screaming and probably pathetic sobs. He felt terrible, exposed, vulnerable, even though he knew it was not a realistic thought, he still somehow ponders if everyone had already seen through all that he has been hiding for so long. He wanted to crawl up and die.

“Fuck off! Don’t come near me!”

He instinctively said, as he stood up despite his weak legs and held a protective stance, ready to launch at whoever that might even come near him.

The legs surrounding him began moving backwards to Shouyou’s liking, but he didn’t drop his stance, he couldn’t, at least not right now, not when he is like this.

“Shouyou, calm down first.”

 _“Shouyou, take it off.”_

“Don’t call me that!”

He snarled angrily, he hated that name he hated it! He clenched his fists tightly and glared upward, without knowing whatever was in front of him, he couldn’t care enough to recognise it now, everything was a danger. He felt like everyone was just watching him at his lowest and he couldn't _fucking_ stand that horrible feeling of being weak. 

“Hinata?”

Shouyou didn’t reply but he visibly relaxed at the calling of his family name, not given name. He had no actual grudge against his family name afterall, but the sweet callings of his first name had always triggered him to no end, he has never told anyone about how he had to suppress a flinch whenever he heard his name, nobody knew how much it made him panic inside, not even his closest of friends or his reliable senpai Nishinoya who would always wrapped his arms around his shoulders while rowdily calling his name.

Shouyou, Shouyou, Shouyou.

“Okay Hinata, calm down first.”

Whoever the voice belonged to, they pissed him off, for no reason, but he hated being told what to do, or just dealing with his emotions with others in general.

Which is why Shouyou did the exact opposite and growled innerly as he stepped back again, slamming his back harshly onto a wall. Hissing slightly at the contact but kept his harsh glare up regardless.

“Hinata listen you just had a panic attack and we are not here to harm you okay?”

Bullshit. This is all bullshit and he knew it, that syrup sweet voice and the fake care that is put in just enough to make it sound natural and not overly done, it was all calculated, fake, and he couldn’t trust it, he shouldn’t.

The voice sighed and Shouyou flinched at the sign of disappointment, he hated disappointment, the constant reminder of how much of a failure, screw up he is.

“Hinata, do you know where you are?”

Shouyou kept silent, he didn’t want to speak, not right now at least, speaking will just show his vulnerability and he hated being weak, he despised it. He couldn’t deal with talking right now at all.

“Can you answer me?”

He held his stance and clenched his teeth, his face muscle becoming sightfully tighter.

Innerly he was screaming no and firing swears from right to left inside his brain, but outwardly, he was just trembling like the coward he was, he always wanted to do so much more, and ben able to express himself, show his true colours, and stop living in expectations, but he couldn't, because he is scared, he is always afraid, terrified.

“Can you answer yes or no questions for me then? You just have to nod for yes and shake your head for no.”

That was, tolerable, at least it was the most he could do right now given his exhausted state. So hesitantly, he gave a small nod.

“Great!”

The voice sounded delightful at his reply, was that a good sign?

“Do you know where you are?”

Shouyou resisted the urge to glance around, he kept his head onto the floor and tried to sneak a peek but was too scared to look at anyone's face, scared to find that bastard’s face again, so instead he gave up and weakly shook his head.

“Alright, listen, you are in Karasuno volleyball’s club room.”

Huh? He wasn’t in some shady alleyway or something?

Shakingly he looked up to find a familiar face staring right back at him and the rest of his teamates including his coach in the background behind the door, the environment was familiar, but how the fuck did he? Get here?

“How..?”

“Do you recognise your whereabouts Hinata?”

Shouyous snapped his head to the ‘voice’ and realised it was Takeda-sensei. The first thought was how, then it came the dashing guilt, he had been so rude to the kind man who sim0ply wanted to help him, he had fucked up again, ruined everything and probably completely destroyed his teacher’s mood too, he must hated Shouyou now, which is understandable. 

A pang of ache knocked on his chest.

“What sensei? When did you get here?! Ah, I am sorry.”

Shouyou immediately shook off his stance completely and stared adversely at the teacher in front of him, trying his best to not look away and make a fool out of himself more than he already has.

“Hinata I was here since the beginning of your panic attack.”

Oh, he had a panic attack. Honestly, nothing new there, just the usual. But this time he had it in the clubroom, wait, when did he even get to the clubroom? He didn’t remember anything, wasn’t he inside the bathroom just a few seconds earlier, how the hell? 

“Hinata?”

Shouyou snapped out of his daze and looked back up to his teacher and the pain suddenly reached him again and he could see the trickling trails of crimson walking down his arm, the crumpled up skin sat in between his nails and decorated around his freshly made wound, the fat was dangling at the edge of the wound, threatening to drop themselves out.

“Ouch!”

The pain kicked back in.

“Hinata!”

He hissed at the excruciating pain, and scanned his body rapidly to check for anymore raw marks.

All of a sudden, a hand was reaching out for him again, unable to react in time his instincts took over and he flinched violently and dropped onto the floor, cowering as he looked up timidly in fear, suddenly the mocking face of him was back again.

“Hinata! It is just me!”

Just as breathing was suddenly getting harder again, the illusion in front of him vanished like magic into thin air, and behind it stood the concerned appearance of his teacher.

When reality dawned back onto him, he recognised his mistake of reacting in fear again, and he did the only logical thing he could do after the situation, apologise.

“S-sorry I-”

Takeda-sensei smiled gently and told him it was okay, something that Shouyou really doubted but didn’t protest about. Afterwards he also started saying something else but Shouyou didn’t really pay attention to whatever he was saying, he spent his time glancing around the room and assembling piece by piece of whatever had just happened.

“Hinata?”

“Yes?”

“Do you need anything?”

Shouyou thought for a bit, then decided he didn’t really needed anything in particular, he wasn’t really thirsty or hungry, or maybe he is but just too tired to feel it at the moment, panic attacks has always drawn exhaustion out of him, but supposingly, they do that to everyone so it was just a normal response. He shook his head and stood up shakingly again, his knees still weak from the impact of crying and shaking but he was now finally half conscious of his surroundings.

“Ah, sorry for the trouble.”

He intuitively apologised again then glanced around and saw the blood he had made on the floor, a big mess and a huge puddle of blood, he had lost a lot of blood. He frowned upon reminding his body that he was supposed to feel airy due to blood loss, his vision started fuzzing up upon realisation and he fainted with a thud.

\-----------------------------

It was Christmas, a holy night. He was up at a roof, one that he couldn’t identify at all, but the breezes of wind blowing against him felt good regardless, the slightly cool sensation that could only be experienced on a shallow unprotected roof was unique and it excited Shouyou every time, the thrill of death and joy to achieve something he had been searching for so long was irresistible, no matter how many attempts he had done throughout his life, the exhilaration never fades.

The building he was on was 30 stories up, just the way he liked it, the perfect height to view the entire city and also giving a suitable amount of time for a life flashback on the way of his fall. The sky tonight was gorgeous, the glamorous stars decorated the elegant blue so delicately, the contrast of dark and light had always been stunning, addictively so. Shouyou loved stars and the night, there was something special about them, the stars were like flickers of hope and happiness, and maybe if Shouyou could fly, he would obtain the same happiness that the stars gave out so shamelessly one day, an infinite skies of nothing but delight.

The busy traffic under him didn’t bother him the way it usually would for today was a day of celebration, a day of captivation, release and freedom. Everything was oddly sparkly today, the little details of the city that he would have never even take a second glance at was fascinating today, the dullness he knew so well was washed away by the luminous bright lights of night, the flaring elegance of Tokyo shone through so brightly and the wind was so pleasant it almost sounded as if they were the comfort choruses of the gentle stars.

This was the best night, a night of fate, Shouyou took a step forward, anticipation and overwhelming excitement sent goosebumps around his slightly trembling hands. But he wasn’t scared, he was happy, he was overjoyed, almost as much as a child going to the amusement park for the first time, the sensation was the same but different at the same time. 

He took another brave step, the wind harshly blew against him, but it didn’t faze him, the smile was plastered still on his face and the wind wasn’t quite strong enough to blow away his suicidal tendencies. The ledge was closer with this step and the delight inside him buzzed up more, the wonder meter in his own heart flew up by a small bit, yet that small bit was enough to make Shouyou to want to just skip the rest of the path and drop already, but he knew that sort of suicide wasn’t ideal, wasn’t the one he wanted. The suicide he pictured and planned out so perfectly was an elegant one, a joyful yet beautiful dance with death, on the edge of the building and daring to fall down with each step. So he held his urge down.

He swallowed, and took another step, this one was longer than the last, perhaps that was his body just moving on its own because of how much Shouyou wanted to just fall right now. He shook his head, he shouldn’t let his emotions manipulate him, this suicide will be the end, and there is only one chance, which is why it needs to be perfect, the perfect rhythm, the perfect atmosphere, time and even the most gorgeous view of all. Everything was planned out beforehand, and he will be damned if he was to mess up now.

His foot reached out for another step, this time a calculated small step, around a quarter of the step he had taken before. The ledge was getting closer, the railing was almost in touch, Shouyou reached out his hand to try and feel it, but he wasn’t quite near enough yet, the tip of his finger scraped the cool metal just a bit, it was almost in reach.

One more step was taken without retrieving his wandering hand, the railing was now in reach, his fingers wrapped around the slightly rusted bar at the edge, a cold wave spreaded across his hand as his palm pressed against the metal completely, Shouyou sighed softly, taking in the refreshing coolness of the metal, it was winter, yet touching something way colder than your body temperature was always still so interesting for whatever reasons. It was a strange addiction that probably everyone had.

Shouyou stretched his leg forward again and stably stood on his next step, both of his feet standing at the same line at last. He gazed down, the view was far away, but he was able to see everything now, the shining sky, running cars, chattering citizens, every apartment on the building opposing him and the oblivious grins of children. Looking below was a rainbow of colours, the one of christmas, patterned wrappings and decorated trees, each one varying in size. 

Shouyou fantasized his drop, how he will be able to watch everything in a 360 degree as he drop, a wonderful feeling, and imagined his heroic landing, his neck will be snapped into half, blood would splattered everywhere and dye the rainbow into one with only crimson, the pretty patterns of wrappings will be stained and the cute characters will no longer be visible, the traffic will stop just to stare at his dead body, his skull will crack into half and perhaps it will be nice to have his brain just leak out of his head. A wonderful death on Christmas night.

With a big determination, he pushed himself up onto the rail and finally sat on the edge, his legs swang back and forth as he hummed the tone of christmas lowly under his breath. The wind blew again, matching the melody of the song pleasantly, everything around him seemed to be dancing to his soft humming, everything was delightful and happy, the stars skipped around him as death slowly took his hand delicately. He graciously accepted it.

Shouyou danced on top of the rails, with nobody in particular, but he imagined death twiddling in his arms, he turned and turned on the thin line of the rail, he stepped carelessly and lightly danced to his own humming, another swift circle was made as he spread his arms out and jumped slightly all while spinning, landing perfectly on the other end of the rail, but he didn’t stop there, he continued dancing, he spinning freely and skipping weightlessly, it was so light and happy, he felt as though he was flying. He raised one of his arms out and started balancing on one feet, hanging the other off the edge, as if daring the wind to blow him over. Shouyou continued gracefully moving to the soft humming, he danced and skipped until the song came to an end. 

It was time.

He dropped with his arms spread wide, the biggest grin on his slightly rosy cheeks.

“Merry Christmas!”

He had exclaimed as he fell, he spun himself in a 180 degree angle until his face was looking straight onto the ground.

The view was wonderful, and as he dropped down he could hear the Christmas carols being sung in the background, it felt like the world centered him at this moment, that the carols were there to welcome his death, the thousands of people under were there to witness his gracious death.

Everything was beautiful, a true piece of grace.

He hit the floor.

Except he didn’t die, he was alive. Wide awake in fact, and he wasn’t even bleeding, there was the slightest hint of pain ringing at the back of his head, it was almost so insignificant that he couldn’t feel it at all. Shouyou blinked blankly as he stared at the sky. The stars stopped smiling and they were all looking down upon him now, the carols stopped singing and they were also taking a pause to stare at him.

Shouyou blinked again.

Then he screamed.

“AGHHHHHHHHH?!”

“Gah?!?!”


End file.
